Back-Breaking

I continue to keep my mouth shut, my teeth gritted. There's no getting out of this. It's life, no questions. Get over it. My back is breaking... but someone else's, somewhere, is already broken. Why should I complain? Just smile, and move on with life. But it seems like every time someone smiles at me, I feel obligated to smile back... but I feel guilty when all I can offer is a strained grin that doesn't even attempt to feign happiness. It feels like the stress just paralyzes the muscles in my face... making a smile almost a wince of pain.

So now I have to stress about showing my stress? Great.

I don't really like complaining. I never have. Don't get me wrong, I complain... but I don't really like to. Not as much as I feel like I do now. I want to keep my mouth shut, forget about it, just deal with it, because everyone else deals with it too, right? Yeah, to some extent. It just seems really hard right now, and I don't understand why. So many expectations, from so many different people... how much is one person able to do? I guess I'm going to find out...

But at what expense?

I love helping people, I really do. Nothing makes me feel more accomplished than when I've helped someone out in some way... but how much can I really take?

Once I find out, I'll let you know... and just... smile because it happened...