No Chance

Well... the title already gives it a negative connotation, am I right? Let me tell you, I had a semi unfornate event happen to me this weekend. I lost my phone.

Yes, I lost my phone. My connection to the outside world, my family, my friends, and my ticket to always having someone to talk to if I need it. Well.. that was all taken away with one silly game of hide and seek.

I was at my friend Jake's house, who lives in Rockport, for his graduation party. There was a large group of us there, I only knew Jake, but we were all getting along really well. Caytee, a new friend of mine, suggested playing hide and seek in the big field. Yeah, that sounded fun... right?

So, me and Jake decide that we'll be the seekers first. So, we go and we find everyone. Not a big deal. Then, it was our turn to hide with the rest of the group, and a couple other girls were counting/seeking. So he decides we're going to run all the way across this field and hide in a small ditch where there are tons of thorn bushes. Yeah. I'm never letting him choose the place again. Well, we get to the hiding spot, and I realize I don't have my phone. I feel in my hoodie pocket, my jeans pockets, anywhere. I look where we were hiding, I have Jake call hoping that maybe the phone landed face up or was in my pocket after all... but no.

It was dark, raining, the phone was on vibrate, apparently it landed face down, and we were in Rockport. Yeah, not a good situation. There was NO chance whatsoever of finding that phone. The worst part about that was the fact that I had no idea where I was, or how to get home. And if I got lost in Rockport... I would NEVER find my way out. So, I had to stay until midnight so Jake could lead me to Reo, from there it was a straight road.

I got a new phone the next day... so all was well... but still. I wish I still had that phone.

Tired/Glad

I'm tired of stress. I'm tired of walking on glass with my family, hoping I don't step too hard and get in trouble. I'm tired of thinking about finals. I'm tired of thinking what I should do instead of what I want to do... I'm not stupid, I can make good decisions most of the time. I'm tired of telling people that we should hang out more to be nice, without intention to do so. I'm tired of not talking to my best friend in the world as much as I used to.... I miss you Sarah! I'm tired of thinking about what I'm going to do after high school when I don't even know what I'm going to do tomorrow. I'm tired of guys and their games. I'm tired of having that butterfly feeling just to watch and feel it slowly fade away the longer you're with someone. I'm tired of classes that we learn nothing in, and I'm tired of trying to make sure I have straight A's so I can get into Vanderbilt. Get the point, yet? Heck, I'm tired of BEING tired!

What I'm not tired of though, is a list that greatly exceeds what I am tired of. I'm glad that I'm still in school, and able to go to school, for that matter. I'm glad that I'm getting a good education so that I can some day support my family and be a contribution to the world. I'm glad that I have my best friends Sarah, Briget, Jake, and Krystal for talking me through so many hard times in my life, or just telling me how it is. I'm thankful that God gave me the full ability to walk and function, whether it be a little painful sometimes or not. I'm thankful for all the love and support I get from my family, and I'm thankful I have my mom who would do anything for me. I'm thankful for so much, and sometimes I feel that I forget how much I really have... Not today. Today, I'm happy with what I have. :)

Flood Day

Well, we finally cloed down for the flooding! I'm honestly surprised we hadn't shut down sooner, with as nuch flooding as there has been in Utica and in Stanley. US 60 is shut down, there are houses off 431 that have to take BOATS to their homes... and that doesn't call for shutting down school? I read on the website that we can only miss two days because of the flood without having to make up the days, if we're approved for having emergency days. I honestly wouldn't mind if we got out on a Friday instead of a Thursday, but if we have to come to school on a Monday... I'll exempt those finals just for that reason! I'd HATE coming one random Monday, that's my least favorite day of the week!

Well, with my flood day, which was ironically gorgeous as can be, I went to my grandmother's house to do some yardwork, to make the yard look nice for my prom pictures on Saturday. I'm excited!! And I got a bit of a burn on the back of my neck... but its not bad at all!

Technology and Me

My favorite piece of technology that is in my daily life is my iPod touch! It just amazes me that touch screens work... like how it KNOWS to touch what you touch! Whoever invented that was rather intelligent! I love how I can have all of my favorite songs, and how organized they are, and however I want to organize them! I can create playlists of my favorite songs, or songs for running, songs that I sang in All State Chorus... it's amazing! Then the apps! I have sudoku, mahjong, paper toss, stars, facebook... all kinds! And I can even categorize those! I'm in love with my iPod touch :)

Mononucleosis

This is seriously driving me insane. I hate missing school, mainly because of all the work that I have to make up when I come back. Today, for example, I missed a test in biology, a quote quiz, and a vocab quiz in English. Fun, right? Of course, I'll take my study hall to make everything up, but still. So why not go to school and just push through it, you ask? Because mononucleosis makes that nearly impossible. Some mornings you wake up fine, the next you'll be so nauteous that you don't wanna move out of bed, then the lovely headaches, and the pain in your upper left stomach (spleen and liver, for those who don't know)... yeah, that's no fun.

The Game

No, not that stupid game where if you think about it, you lose. No, this game is something much more serious, the "game of love", to be cliche. Honestly, I've never believed in the whole gamplaying thing... we're almost adults, why are we still playing games? But isn't EVERYTHING a game? Or is it only a game because we've turned it into a game?

Now that I'm older, and have more experience and have seen the way things work, I actually do believe that this entire life that we live, as far as interacting with other human beings, is a game. There's no way to change it. I don't think that's the way it should be, but what does that matter, in the scheme of things? It doesn't, so there's that.

But now we're left to this game, where no one knows the rules except those who claim that they know the rules, and write books to give advice to us poor misinformed people. Forget that! No one knows, and no one ever will. This is mostly a game of chance, not strategy. Sure, you can strategize to flirt with someone, to feed them your attention for a little while, then pull away, then feed back into them, to keep them guessing, but its only a CHANCE that the other person will buy into it, and stay once you appear to have lost interest.

Why does it have to be a game? Why can't we all just live, and see where life goes? Sure, I guess that could get boring... but so many hearts would be saved that way.

Teachers and Students

An event today actually caused me to think about this. Teachers must learn a lot about us by having us in class, and by hearing others talk about us in other classes. They can learn who we're dating, who our best friend is, what the latest scandal was, where you went over spring break... just think about what these adults really know about you! Kinda scary, isn't it?

But what happens when they get behind, and they missed a memo that seems like a massive deal to the chlidren our age? Well, they can be like one teacher that I adore, and end up putting her foot in her mouth in front of the entire class... I felt so bad for her today! Of course, it really wasn't her fault, its not like teachers can ALWAYS keep up.

But what if teachers got together some kind of personal network where they can share gossip with eachother, where each child has a page where anyone can go in and write what they heard about this person?! Now THAT'S scary! But, who knows!

Oh Gosh

So, update from Spring Break?

Did pretty much nothing, only really saw a few people, but really just the people that mattered. I learned a lot of things about some people I thought I cared about, and then when I found out, I realized I didn't care as much as I thought I did!

Nashville was fun, just humid! Better than being cold though! I absolutely loved Vanderbilt, I juts don't know if I'm smart enough to get in! We'll just have to see!

And I got a prom dress! Yes, its hot pink. But you know what, I don't care! I absolutely love it anyway. :)

And now, I'm learning how to play the game. What game? I'm not sure, that's its only name. But whatever it is, I'm learning it. Yeah, it makes that much sense to me, too.

Spring Break Plans

I really really really really really wish I was going to a beach somewhere in Florida, or some Carribean beach in the Bahamas, or some historic site in Europe. But no. I'll be here, in Owensboro. Honestly, it could be worse. But I can't help but wish! I'm hoping to see some of my friends who I haven't really spent time with in a while! I just don't want any drama! We're going to Vanderbilt on Friday for a campus tour, which I'm pretty excited about. I think it'll be a beautiful college, I just hope its a nice day! Then, there's the seemingly neverending search for the perfect prom dress for this year... and I REFUSE to get hot pink! It's just too cookie cutter for me! I'll definitely have an update once I do get one, hopefully Nashville will be the place!

Homework Overload

I'm practically banging my head against a wall EVERY night. I hate homework, I think more than anything else in the world right now. I don't understand why we spend 8 hours a day at school learning... why do we need to spend 3 or more hours when we get home doing the same thing? Granted, homework is designed to help you have extra practice... but wouldn't it make more sense to further your own knowledge on your own, not to be required. I also think that homework should be based on effort, not actual understanding of the subject... is it our fault that we weren't taught properly to our learning needs? Why does the school put so much stress on the way individual children learn, and not try to cater to each kind of person? There are some teachers that actually do extremely well at trying to help all children, but others have taught in one way for so long that they don't care to try a different approach. I'm just sayin!

LOL

Texting. It's a weird concept, actually. Like emailing, without the internet. It's a good concept, because you can just say what you need to say, and be done. Or, you can talk to several people at one time without any issue (except getting so many texts that you can't keep up), which honestly isn't that big of a deal, if you think about it. The only bad thing about texting is that emotions can get lost in translation, and just the smallest punctuation mark can totally change the supposed tone of how you say something, and things can get ugly from there. Texting can be depleting our generation's ability to communicate over the phone, but since it doesn't really hinder our communications person to person... I don't feel it's that bad of an influence. It's another one of those things that are good in certain situations.

Daily Routine

Once you get used a daily routine, its hard to change! For example, most people get ready in a certain order every morning, and only if necessary do they have to change their order, but it might throw off the rest of their day.

For me, I get used to traffic patterns. There are just some lights that I will ALWAYS hit on red. And that's okay with me. But the other morning, as I was coming home from a lunch date with a friend, I stopped at a light that was completely green, and it took a few more seconds before it even turned yellow. Luckily, no one was behind me. So then, when it finally turned green again, I was so disoriented that I sat there for another twenty seconds or so, zoned out, and didn't realize until the car behind me began to honk. I gave a respectful wave and continued on my way. But after that, I was thrown off for the rest of the day! Just by a stop light!

Chain of Events

It's amazing, how things happen. How one small minute action can set off a chain or reactions. I guess that's common physics, but still. For example, doing gymnastics for several years, my best friend Sarah was looking forward to getting a college scholarship on her sport. However, it took two seconds for her vault to land wrong, and to tear her ACL in her left leg.

My uncle, while working out in the barn, moved a bag of Ortho bug chemicals while trying to help my dad. He then went inside, and forgetting to wash his hands, started to eat burgoo with his fingers... and as you can imagine, he got VERY sick. (He's okay now, we just make fun of him for poisoning himself).

Last night, I poked a guy that I had known before he graduated, and now I have a date to the dance tonight, and am trying to find his friend a date... Oh how interesting my life is.

Senior Year

I can't believe it! I'll be a senior, next year. I'll start really looking at colleges, start trying to choose what to major in.. and deal with this stupid trimester schedule.

I don't know. It's just kinda a shock. Just like I'll be seventeen two weeks from today, the Ides of March. So much has changed in the last year, and so much will change in the next year. I'm not so sure if I'm ready for all that, but I guess I don't have much choice. I'm sure everything happens for a reason, it's just kind of a shock. Of course, college will be the biggest change. I hate being away from my family for long periods of time. I'm scared of being alone, of not being accepted, of hating college life. I guess there's not much I'll be able to do about it anyway... so I guess I'll just... smile because it happened...

Living What You Preach

Well, you've seen it in almost every one of my blogs. "Just smile because it happened." It's my favorite quote, and right now, I'm having to learn to live it. I had to part ways with someone very important to me last night. I was upset, of course, because I cared about him so much. But in the end... I guess it just wasn't working. And that's how life is. He feels bad for having made me upset, and I feel bad for showing him that I was upset... But the fact of the matter is it wasn't working, and that happens sometimes. It doesn't matter how much you love the person, that doesn't mean you're meant to be with them. And I am realizing and have realized that. Fortunately, life goes on, and I'm going to be okay, and so will he. It's sad right now, because... well... aren't break ups always sad?

And in the end, I'll just... smile because it happened...

no, No. NO!

1) Not in a million years.

2) Not if you were the last person on Earth

3) I'd really rather not...

4) Only if you hold your breath for five minutes!

5) Hey, let's play hide and seek!! (... WHERE'S MY CAR?!?!)

6) Do you have 13 toes?

7) I don't think so!

8) Not today, not tomorrow, not ever!

9) Sarah will! ... if you don't mind that she's a cripple...

10) I refuse!

11) I really don't like you.

12) Please... GO AWAY!

13) Look, you're a nice kid... but not THAT nice!

14) I'll give you two dollars if you go away right now!

15) Why don't you ask that person over there!

List of Greivances

(Don't take this seriously... but on days like I've had today... I reallyyyy think about it!)

I shall be suing AHS for the following inflictions:

-Lack of sleep
-Lack of time to do anything but homework and eat
-Fattening food (I don't care what they say, the food we are served it NOT healthy)
-Teachers who don't care
-Lack of school spirit from the student body
-THE TRIMESTER SCHEDULE (Why switch to a schedule in which we can get fewer credits??)
-No more backpacks... (Fire hazard? I THINK NOT!)- resulting in severe straining
-The handicap elevator doesn't work (this one is for Sarah)
-Glorification of Jocks over Artists (I'm both, but still)
-Lack of credit to cheerleaders
-Hiring teachers who don't even like kids or teaching


Well, that's all I can think of at the moment...

Cupid's Chokehold

I think that might be a song... but that's beside the point.

Love is a scary thing.

Think about it. Love is such a powerful concept, a powerful emotion, and an eternal tie to a person. I believe that true love never really dies... If you truly love someone, you will never lose that love, but that doesn't mean you won't develop love for someone else. In itself, love has its own complications, then the drama of mankind gets thrown in... no wonder so many people would rather stay single.

Given the right circumstances, it can be so easy to fall in love. If you're with the right person, they say the right things, they do the right things, they have the right traits... you can feel yourself falling for them. And that's where it begins. That crazy rollercoaster of a relationship. They make you mad, you slip up, they bring up the past, you make them mad, they slip up, you bring up the past... its a never ending cycle. And just when you think about giving up, you remember the good times, that far outweigh the bad...

Therefore, the rollercoaster.

But what happens when there's no choice but to end it? Then, the rollercoaster is done, but now you're on flat ground again, and you are swaying around from the difference, and now you want to go again. You miss the thrill...

It's dangerous. When you fall from love, you fall hard, and there's no getting around it. However, that's part of life, and in the end, all we can do is just... smile because it happened...

A Million Tiny Pieces

The pressure releases, 

There goes my heart into a million tiny pieces, 

I'm sorry, I apologize,

I'm still learning to hide the pain in my eyes

I see you raise your hand

I take my stand

And there it lands

This band 

Of bruises

The good one always looses

Blow, strike

Scratch, bite,

teeth, nails, pulling hair

this weight....

its too late..........

or so I thought

the scratches burn hot

didn't know I had the strength to fight as hard as i fought

I am what you're not, 

You're not what I am

And now I can't believe this.

The pressure releases, 

There goes my heart into a million tiny pieces, 

I'm sorry, I apologize,

I'm still learning to hide the pain in my eyes

I look up the air is empty

Nothing to hit me

No one to get me

I laugh, I cry, anything but pain in my eyes

because now I don't have to ever again apologize

THAT Delirious

Mono is no fun. I'm tired all the time, my stomach is killing me. I get headaches, and I want to fall asleep in EVERY class. And my throat looks like they had been abducted by an alien race. And on top of it all, I can't cheer. Now... that's just crossing the line. It seems a bit pointless, to be upset with a virus. Its not lik it knows what its doing... but what if it did? It would rejoice in the fact that there is absolutely nothing that my body can do to fight it off.

Don't worry though. I'm on vitamins now, and I have steroids for the whole tonsils issue.









Yes. I'm THAT delirious.

For right now I'm still going to school... so we'll see how long that'll last.

Slow Me Down

This song by Emmy Rossum is pretty awesome. The main subject of the song is that before life flys by, without you taking in all the details, you have to slow down, before you realize how much you've really missed. It seems like its all about rushing, these days. Doing the most with your time as possible, from 6 in the morning to 11 at night. It almost doesn't sound fair, that its almost human nature to leave NO spare room between one event and the next, except time penciled in for transportation. And when there's so much rushing, there's hardly time to enjoy what's going on around you, only time to think about what you will be doing next.

It's a sad thought, to think that a moment only comes once, and then it never comes again. And there's no telling, sometimes, just how important that moment really is... And then later on in life you think back, and you realize how much you would give to have that time back. Why isn't time designed that way? Why can't we go back and relive our moments in other ways except memories? I'm not sure, and I don't have the slightest clue. Maybe so we learn to actually appreciate every moment... I don't know.

I complain about a lot in my life, right now. And I realize that. But I know that later on, I'll look back, and just... smile because it happened...

Revelation

It's pretty amazing, the effect music can have on someone. It can send chills, envoke hidden emotions, draw tears from the corner of any eye. It's a non-concrete thing. You can't touch music, you can't see music. You can just FEEL it. And maybe that's why its so fascinating and comforting to people. Music can be made anywhere, from a classroom to home... and no matter what, it can touch your heart.

The Light You Shine

Everyone influences someone else. Whether you're the outgoing one, or the kid that sits in the corner, each and every single beating heart reminds another beating heart that there's always a different rhythm. I've never really though about how I influence people. I hope that I have a positive effect on people, but I'm sure that at times, that doesn't happen. Ideally, I'd want to be a role model to my peers, to show them that it IS possible to stay out of drama, to keep good grades, to be involved, and to not do anything illegal. I'd like to show people that life can be just as fun without drugs, without sex, without drama.

Maybe, one day, I'll get a true insight as to how I influence people. And when and if that happens, I'll just... smile beacuse it happened...

Don't Criticize

You really don't know whats going on in someone else's life, when you say something.

For example, I have a friend who gets awful grades, and sleeps all the time in class. You'd never know that as a junior in high school, he works 35 hours a week.

I have another very close friend of mine who I love dearly, and he dropped out of high school his junior year... but you'd never know that he dropped out to support his family because his father is on disability and his mother couldn't find any better jobs because she doesn't have a degree.

One of my best friends in the entire world is an extremely talented gymnast and just a wonderful person in general, and you'd never know that she forgets just how beautiful she is sometimes... and when you joke that someone's fat... it doesn't help. She's FAR from fat, she's perfect, but when people make jokes, they don't know.

There seems to be a common joke that this homework is so hard, that it makes people want to shoot themselves in the head. Well, I've heard this said to a girl whose mother committed suicide by a gunshot to the head.

People really forget just how hard life is for some people, and what they've been through. I hate that people think its okay to call anyone fat or stupid or lazy, regardless of if its true or not. You never know what's going on in someones life.

Who Knows Where the Wind Blows

A New Year has so much potential. That's why, if I'm thinking correctly, the symbol for a new year is a baby. It's just beginning, and has the next twelve months to grow. (Why said baby is reborn every year, I can't explain)

But thinking about the next twelve months... a lot can change. In March, I turn seventeen, I'll have my full license, and will be able to drive as many of my friends that I want. I'll probably make new friends, and grow apart from old ones. I could lose someone in my family, or maybe a new family member could come along. Hopefully, I'll decide what college I want to go to, and what I'd like to major in, to set up the rest of my life. I'll go to prom, hopefully with the perfect dress and a date that I truly care for, and take a billion pictures. I'll leave junior year behind, and welcome the summer, full of cheerleading and work and friends. My last summer in high school. I'll be a senior cheerleader, which means I'll be making a lot more decisions. I'll hopefully lose weight, too.

Then senior year will start. Wow. It's scary just thinking about it. I'll start thinking about graduation, college, moving out... Something I'm not prepared to think of right now. Honestly... there's a lot I don't want to think about right now. 2011 could bring a lot of good things... but also could bring a lot of bad events. Hopefully, no matter what happens, I'll be able to just... smile because it happened...

Remember

Well, it's here. 2011. It seems like just a few months ago, we were celebrating New Years last year, readjusting to the second sememester after the long Christmas break... It's crazy! Time flies, and a lot has happened in the last year. My cheerleading team went to KAPOS, won, then went to state, where we would have placed seventh, but a girl wore a necklace, so we placed thirteenth. Then, a new relationship, and the quick end of that relationship... Easter, tryouts, conditioning. Running for what seemed like forever, getting a five minute break, then doing more aerobic excercises. Meeting new people, breaking away from old friends. Drama!!!!!!!!! And plenty of it. A long summer, then a warm fall. Summer reading stress, beginning of the year stress. APUSH kicking my butt. Meeting new people again, and another relationship, that's still lasting. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years... Lessons learned, points proved, and troubles forgotten.